It’s the oldest story in the book. The wife wants to bump off her husband for the insurance money. And sometimes (Hopefully not a lot of the time, but who can say?) she gets away with it. Because she gives the crime a lot of thought, because she knows the stakes and she treats the homicide like a chess match, she outwits the police and literally gets away with murder. Because, in the end, she is as clever as she is cold-blooded.
And then there’s Loretta Vandiver.
Oh, Loretta was cold-blooded enough, no doubt about that. It was in the other department where she fell short.
How so? Well, let’s say you’re a wife and you want the hubby done in for the insurance payoff. Would you consider it prudent to attempt it if the husband in question happened to be your fourth and you were already on record as having attempted to kill husbands one through three? Might that not make the authorities a tad suspicious when spouse number four ends up the victim of foul play? Loretta didn’t worry about that.
Loretta’s MO needed some adjustment, too. She’d seduce a man—any man would do—and then try to convince the guy to kill her hubby. It was just her bad luck that each and every one of those paramours had enough scruples to refuse her offer. No problem, though. She’d just move right on to the next prospective killer—never mind that those other guys were, the whole lot of them, prospective witnesses. Surely they could all keep a secret, right?
As a last resort, Loretta had to get her adult son, Micah, to commit the heinous act. Her plan there wasn’t too bad. As her husband was a doctor, and the doctor’s clinic was always closed for lunch, she’d have Micah come in and kill his stepfather while no one was present to witness the crime other than herself. She even had a decent cover story prepared. It could have worked.
IF Micah hadn’t been running late. And IF there hadn’t been patients in the lobby and employees in the clinic—which meant numerous eyewitnesses to the crime. But Loretta stuck to her original story. And she pled not guilty when—surprise! surprise!—the cops arrested her.
How NOT to Commit a Murder, written and directed by local playwright Wayne Miller, is the chronicle of Loretta’s murder trial. And if you thought her execution of the crime was bad, just wait until you see how she tries to exonerate herself!
Oh, and believe it or not, this play is inspired by actual events.
It really is true what they sat about truth and fiction.
Evil Cheez Productions is proud to bring this hilarious courtroom caper to you, the ladies and gentlemen of the jury…um, make that audience.